Okay, so I don't have a title for this yet, but here goes
It was resilience that taught me through unbearable weight of my soul's capability to bend but
never break. And so it became familiar, a second nature to survive every obstacle of reverence, every
standard on high. No challenge when ignored, no demand met mediocrity. In the absence of grace existed a velocity
And I presumed it to be as infinite as every snag within each thread, some faith
for what I may have lacked. But even steel softens under pressure. Even strength needs
shelter. The strongest act of love is grace. The strongest act of love is grace
I love that. I love that. I love that. How did you learn to give yourself grace
I'm still learning. That's not something I've mastered yet. Unfortunately, that's one of the
most difficult things for me. And I don't think it was until I just could not take it anymore
you know like they say the body keeps the score so it wasn't until i it started really affecting
my health that i was forced to start to integrate that into my everyday life and so it's it's a
practice that i haven't mastered yet it stuck with me the part about you know even steel you
know with enough pressure can be hardened and that's a great image to you know we're talking
about resilience and giving grace it's that um you know we all there's times we're all tested
And to get through it, it takes that amazing strength. Thank you
Denise, what would you want people to take away from your story or message, your poem
That the strongest act of love is grace. So I think that if everybody can just integrate that
there are many ways to show that we love ourselves and that we love other people. But at our core, we're each love and we all go through things in life
And so I think the strongest act of love is grace. I hope that everybody can consider that
Here we go. The past and present tense, past and present tense, like crows on a fence
A circus fire intense, gazing deep in your eyes with blue glass tense. I forgot where I came and whence
Can't pay no attention, hang the expense. No richer than six pence, but it's got no sense
Still my fly flows, dispense, loom and mess. To those in distress, fill the empty and depressed
And when I'm feeling lost, I'm cribbing Robert Frost. The past in present tense, past in present tense, future imperfect gap so immense
Loans, credit cards got me feeling so low, squandered opportunities, YOLO, like Gatsby
driven to historical revision. I was uninformed by the regular norm, not woken up to spot the spokes of the jokes
Locker room quotes and quits, giggles and fits. The kibbles and bits I bit from life's grit turned into lessons I couldn't forget
Nature's greatest gold is green impossible to hold No longer in a tree reading Tristan and he's sold
Can't catch a minute nothing stays surely not gold Don't know if I should stay maybe bluff or fold
Would I be so bold and leave my story untold? My English major hasn't done much for me yet
But I'll recover that debt and then some bet I'll recover that debt and then some bet
I was just impressed by the whole thing, the entire thing I can't just single out a single line
But I love that you referenced Robert Frost because I know one of his poems that stuck with me and I had to look it up to make sure
but it was The Road Not Taken. And I feel that piece could also resonate with what you were trying to say too
So I think that was absolute genius. And you as an artist, I think the English major is paying off
because you're able to reference other people's work and take from your own
you know, and make this rap, which not a lot of people can do
And sorry to say that a lot of the modern day rappers are not that great. You are incredible
So, okay, I'll start with this one, which concerns, which is about my grandmother
So, 2024 started with petals on the floor, once for every moment that our memories went dormant
If I could see the path that would lead us to the past, maybe then we would be happy
But for now, silver petals are running down my face, gently touching the ground as I'm
trying to erase the pain of the instance. If only I could watch from a distance that I'm right here with you, and there's nowhere
I'd rather be, more than in a room together. How easy was it to think we would only know moments of bliss
How I'd roll my eyes sometimes when you're asking me to call you more than once a day
would run me the wrong way but today what would I give away in exchange for a phone call Knowing that your voice someday I might not recall I realized a few months ago a few weeks ago that I threw away an envelope you had signed
and it broke me back to think that I didn't foresee how your signature would become a mystery to me
how even your name could never be written the same again. One more petal drops. As I think back in crops, souvenirs in two bits and pieces, fragments of what they once were. Still, they hold their beauty. But that's not how I want to remind you. I want to remember your smile, your laugh, even when it was inappropriate to laugh or smile. I want to record the love in your gaze
The emotions you left us with are an endless river, always pouring, always giving, and despite the pain, there is so much love left
Almost like it's removed through each thing, through each laugh, through every sign, confirming you're still here with us, through us, and that you can still be a part of the conversations
Addressing those words to you makes me feel somewhat connected. It reminds me that your name doesn't have to be silent
I may not hear a response through your voice, through your own words, but writing about you and creating my poetry around your life is a way for me to stay with you, to be wrapped up in your arms and feel the comfort you instilled in me so this year I hope that there won't be as many petals on the floor
I know I won't miss you any less But I have cried enough
I don't want to associate my love for you With any kind of sadness or luck
If I did, my sight would just close to black But I won't let it happen
You're in the sun, you're in every beat of light And hope my eyes and heart can collect
If anything, you're even more divine now Than you could ever be in a treated world
Thank you for watching over us Thank you for the moments those memories, those moments of love, of care, of love by stories and drawings of my favorite
TV cartoons, you knew just how to be a sure of feeling. You were always so sure of us
all, and all I can do, all I can think of as a way to say thank you is to sublime in my best way
and learn to share kindness my way. And then there's like this really short one
The last one about confidence. So it's, I have always thought of this concept as a distant strength, a country I would perhaps
get to visit someday, if I worked hard enough. I perceive it as a mysterious quality of the soul, like a magic trick that could eliminate
any wound. I thought that confidence meant perfection. What if you don't need to possess everything to be confident
What if confidence needs errors and losses to grow? What if confidence was actually creating a mess but taking the first steps anyway
What if be yourself, you're not alone and you are enough? What false sentences after all
What if confidence was here growing all alone patiently waiting to emerge
That's beautiful. Was your grandmother your primary caregiver as a child? She was definitely like that, like, well, I have both of my parents and they raised me, but like, she was really like this strong figure in my life, for sure
I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you guys were always very close and she knew how much you loved her
so I wrote this poem it's called Some Days for me it was just for women
breaking cycles they never really signed up for in life and for mothers still learning how to love themselves
and just overall anyone who's ever felt unchosen unheard and just still kept going
so this is Some Days I hope you guys like it Some days
I'm nothing but breath Stitched together by obligation I pour cereal with hands
That used to tremble from hunger I smile with a mouth That often begs God Please
Let me be strong tomorrow And still I get up I clock in
I wipe counters and tears And tiny faces I speak in soft tones to children I terrified of failing weaving my voice like bandages hoping it holds their wounds better than silence held mine On my own inner child is screaming in a locked room no one ever walked into
I didn't learn love. I learned how to shrink inside myself like furniture wrapped in plastic
Preserved, untouched, uninvited. I didn't get lullabies. I got slammed doors. I got the shame of charity clothes folded like a pity and plastic grocery bags handed to me, screaming like a warning, you do not belong
But I kept pretending. I made my pain quiet, palatable, digestible, because girls like me don't get to fall apart
We get called too much when we start telling the truth. I'm raising three miracles with a heart held together by trauma tape and prayers whispered into a pillow no one else hears
No one taught me how to be a mother, but I'm here. Every night, choking on exhaustion, feeding love, fighting guilt
Do you know what it means to be someone's safe place when you've never known one yourself
To teach them their worth while you're still searching for your own? I wanted someone to say, you're not lazy, you're not a failure
You're tired, and that's allowed But no one came So I started saying it to myself
You're okay, you're trying, you're still here But if I'm honest, the world came crashing down as if the gates of hell were opening from the heavens above
I couldn't look myself in the mirror and see who I was behind the smudged eyeliner
blurred like broken promises behind tears that fell faster than the breath I could catch them with
I didn't see a woman I still see a memory of a girl
still begging to be held still waiting to be chosen without hesitation
still wondering if healing will ever feel like home grace is not pretty
grace is not poetic grace is sobbing in a locked bathroom whispering I forgive you
to the stranger in the mirror. Grace is messy and it is mine. Because despite it all, despite the pain
despite the past, despite the names they gave me, I am becoming everything I needed. I am the softness
my mother never gave me. I am the safety my father never built. I am the peace I was denied, the steady
arms I needed most. So when I feel like I'm drowning, when shame wraps around my spine like
chains, dragging memories behind me like rusted metal tied to a girl who never learned how to run
without bleeding. I whisper her name, Grace. And I mean me. I mean every scar, every quiet comeback
every breath I took when I didn't want to. I am still here. And for that, I give myself grace
until it builds a home where no one ever abandoned me. And still, I call her Grace
and she looks like me. That was incredible. I'm like holding back tears. Denise is holding back
tears. I don't know who else is holding back tears. That was amazing. Where in the world did
you find your strength? I, if I'm being honest, I'm still finding it every day. Um, it takes a lot
for me to continue pushing every moment, you know, but I see my children and they push me to just
keep going, keep going. And I see myself in them. So it, it is still growing. My strength is
definitely still growing. I know last time you mentioned you were a single mom of three and
going to school. There were some parts in your poem that made me wonder, were you in foster care
I was not in foster care, but I didn't really live at my mom or dad growing up at those early stages
I was always kind of just going from family member to family member, you know, just staying with everybody until, you know, I finally ended up in a place where I could settle for a while
I want to go with Denise because I feel like there's some parallels some parallels in your
stories and I know she's gonna have some some wise words for you and I think I think at least
I think you're early 20s right Shailene yes I will be 24 um next week Wednesday okay so Denise
is like a little ahead of you right not too much I 29 um but I had my daughter when I was 23 and so I been a single mom since I was pregnant with her And that a lot of growing to do at that young age
Because I look back and I'm just like, I was a baby to the world. And you have these babies now and you really have to learn
And it's hard. It is a very difficult thing to do. But I wanted to say that one of the things that I've learned in therapy is the phrase
that shame was never yours to carry because I know you mentioned several times about the shame
that you had to carry with you. And so you really have to consider, you know, that shame was never
yours. It was, you were a child, you were an innocent child and these people were supposed
to be caring for you and they couldn't, you know, it was their lack of something, their lack of
depth or financial ability. But regardless, there was negligence that was never your fault. You know
it was their lack of preparation and that shame was never yours to carry
And so I hope that through the years, you know, and you start to build that strength and you can teach your kids the same
thing, you know, that shame isn't yours. It's always just, it's unfortunate
And it's amazing where you get your strength from when you don't have somebody leading you to it, you know
And so I just, I think it's beautiful. I think you have all the capabilities in you to be able to raise these kids successfully
And I hope that you can find time in between all of that because I know how busy it can be
I hope you find time for you and maybe to integrate this into your kids as well
Because if you could just see the talent, you'd be so amazed
And I'm sure your kids possess the same thing. So I just think that would be beautiful, something beautiful for you to have with them too
Thank you. I really appreciate that. You know, I've been a mom since I was 19, so it was very fast
And, you know, at first I always felt like, oh boy, I don't know what's going to happen, but I always wanted better for my children
So in a short period of time with no planning, you know, I tried to make sure that throughout it all, we're here together
Thick and thin, you know, even if it is just me. So I titled this The Potential of the Dragonfly Knith
Dear 20-year-old me, so you flunked out of college and lost your one true love
Now you think you're lazy, dumb, despicable Another useless maggot of our society
A cancerous tumor bulging up Pressing upon our dying Mother Earth I know you're sadly stuck
In the ultimate existential Catch-22 Claim death and stab a dagger in your parents' hearts
Keep breathing and burden them all as you suffer Hold my hand and listen close
As I tell you of another way I will show you a path to living. You can shed your sickly skin. What is held within you is brighter than the darkness blocking out your soul
The trick is not to push harder, but rather to ease into yourself. Relax into all that scares you. Recover what hides and haunts
Only then can you dig out the dirt Take time to purge so as to heal
Be patient with the process Transformation is within your reach But the grabbing is slow and arduous
Like the alien nymph buried in the mud You will one day emerge anew
With wondrous wings to take flight Oh, the lands you will discover
Your adventures are only beginning. Every part will piece you together. Each experience food for your growth
You may think you're outrunning the beast, but really you're steering your wild heart
Someday you'll be the touchstone, the teacher, the leader, the inspiration for those you're yet to meet
but who will find their own way through you. Your butterfly effect will ripple forth
Brightening the worlds of many beings So please, my dear former self
Don't discard or disregard who you are There's more to us than you know
You're a dragonfly in waiting Temporarily buried in the muck Simply preparing for life in the sun
Thank you so much, Kara It's such a beautiful poem and a beautiful message
Thank you